Week 3

Hopefully you are no longer crying every day, maybe more of an every other day type of deal. At this point, you have most of your classmates blocked on social media and you are summarizing your previous accomplishments on your resume and have it circulation with a temp agency. I hope this is helping to sober you up and dry you out. You have to remember, just keep swimming. At this stage, I was still looking for what would materialize as a lifeguard position with the local parks and recreation department. Once I started lifeguarding, I felt better. I got out of bed with a purpose, PLUS, I got to swim on my breaks. The exercise and sense of purpose kept me sane. I was surrounded by people who didn't know what I had been through and I didn't have to tell them, which was nice. At times, I'd see former classmates at the pool but sitting on the lifeguard stand was the last place they'd think to see me and I certainly didn't call attention to my self.

The flip side of this was that it was nice not to have homework and be constantly drowning in class and study materials. I could actually enjoy my days. I decided to work the 5:30AM shift at the pool which put be finishing up my 8 hour day around 1PM. So if I needed to run errands, go grocery shopping or wanted to watch Will&Grace, I'd be off work around lunch time! This forced me to go to bed early and I was exhausted from swimming on my breaks and getting up at 4. Plus, on the rare occasion I needed to pull someone out of the pool, I felt like I was actually helping people. Enjoy your freedom! When is the last time you have felt the day to day relief of no impending doom? Odds are if you failed out of your program, there was plenty of forewarning and you spent months waiting for the other shoe to drop. It has and now you can deal.

Rx:

Just keep swimming. Find an exercise routine that you like and can deal. Go walking/jogging/swimming, whatever to get out of your head and devote the energy that is being burned up as anxiety to good use. Plus, this will help you sleep. Keep looking for work. I didn't have a job before PA School I went from school into more school so I had a difficult time finding a professional job. If you are lucky enough to have had a job previously, it will be a huge hunk of humble pie but it will get better. Take pleasure in whatever your current position is. Enjoy being able to breathe. At the end of your day, you can have a couple of beers and go to bed if you want. Its crucial that you choose to be happy now. You will continue to feel pangs of depression but with time, you will be able to move through it and eventually leap out and over of them. Focus on the positives you have in your life and remember, it will continue to get easier and it does get better. I promise.